Priorities: My Children aren't that Important

You probably think my title is an attention grabber to pique your curiosity. Sorry, that’s not the case. My kids really aren’t that important.

Let me explain before you skip the rest of the article to leave me a nasty comment. But before I explain, I want to share some of this year’s Mother’s Day moments.

Fourth Child

My youngest is a pure expression of creativity. Her unique views of the world never cease to amaze. Many people create acrostic poems for Mother’s Day – even the well-known Proverbs 31 passage is an acrostic! Leave it to my youngest, however, to make an acrostic based on the second letter of each word. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think that’s kind of impressive for her age.

Third Child

My younger middle child thrives on the beauty of musical order. She mixes structure with creativity and rhythm with emotion to bring music to life. She’s had a song in her heart since the day she was born. No wonder that she shared her feelings in poetry.

Second Child

My older middle child gets it – whatever “it” is. Her quick mind, sharp wit, and logical comprehension not only make her hysterically entertaining but also provide a deep understanding of situations. She was the first to find me Mother’s Day morning to share her love. Also no surprise that she was the one that turned to social media to further share her feelings. Yeah, I know, I need to work on my "duck face."

First Child

My firstborn and I have something I’ll never have with my other daughters. For her first years, it was her and I each day. She’s always been a daddy’s girl but we made many memories those first years before my second daughter joined us. Her independence level will soon take a final giant leap as she branches out into God’s plan for her life. However, we still remember those first days together; they influenced her gift this year.

My Korean Daughter

She’s been with us for two years and, God willing, she’ll be with us two more. She’s part of our family, though. She’s the one to take care of what needs done – how else could her grades average 100% for all classes while learning in a second language? No surprise, then, that she found time and opportunity to buy a card. She’s also as sweet as she is smart as you’d see if you read her message inside the card which began, “Dear My American Mom.”

How can I say they aren’t that important?

They’re amazing – beautiful, creative, intelligent, compassionate, expressive, and all the things we hope for in children. I love each of them to the moon and back.

But they aren’t the most important.

God is. I love Him more.

I’ve been seeing these cute little graphics on social media recently. They say things like,

• “Your children are the greatest gift God will give to you.”
• “Children aren’t a distraction from the most important thing. They are the most important thing.”
• “The most magical day of my life was the day I became a mom.”

They all seem pleasant and sweet on the surface but lies, failures, and disappointments hide in the details of each one.

Greatest Gift
My daughters are each a great gift, but they aren’t the greatest. My husband is a great gift, too. He ranks right up there with my girls. I won’t insult him by saying they are a better gift than he is. Even he’s not the greatest, though. Only one of God’s gifts is the greatest – that of His Son. That’s the only gift in my life that covers all my inadequacies, forgives all my mistakes, and keeps giving grace and love no matter what situations come.

Most Important
They are each so important. God created them unique to fulfill a role in His kingdom. I know He has an incredible plan for each of them – just like being their mom is part of His incredible plan for me. However, being Jimmy’s wife is also part of His plan for me and it’s every bit as important as them. Only God’s plan is the most important; I’m blessed that He chose to include them as part of that plan. His is the only plan that can meet the needs of a hurting world, bring salvation to the nations, and give us significance and importance through serving rather than exaltation.

Most Magical… or Amazing
God doesn’t work with magic, so let’s use the word “amazing” instead of “magical.” I think it still fits with the original intent. I clearly remember the moment each child lay in my arms for the first time. All four were absolutely amazing. They were incredible. But they weren’t the most amazing moments of my life. I remember standing at the front of a church, facing Jimmy as we promised our lives to each other. That was pretty amazing. I remember the moment each daughter accepted Jesus as her Savior. Those moments of spiritual birth were even more amazing than the ones of physical birth. My own personal moment of spiritual birth was amazing as well.

In fact, every time I consider God’s offer of grace and expression of sacrificial love through His Son, I experience the most amazing moment. I’m amazed that the Creator of the universe could love us so passionately that He couldn’t allow sin to separate us from Him. I’m amazed that God the Son lived in holy, perfect beauty with the Father and Spirit and yet chose to leave heaven to come to this dirt-clod we call earth. I’m amazed by His power that willingly laid down His own life and defeated death by resurrecting back to life. I’m amazed by His power to someday return to the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem with footsteps that will split the mountain in half. Jesus is the most amazing moment.

Finding Balance

I love my girls… they are a great gift, they’re important, and they’re amazing. However, only God is the greatest, most important, most amazing part of my life.

I base my identity on my position as a child of God, not on my position as someone’s mother. My success in life is loving and serving Him, not my ability to bear or raise children.

As women, we have seven different roles. We stay busy as wives, mothers, businesswomen, friends, servants, and homemakers. They’re all important but none of them is most important. Can we say an unmarried woman is less because being a wife isn’t part of her roles? Are women without children less because they’ve never birthed or raised a child? Are women who don’t engage in the workplace less because they don’t earn a paycheck? Are women with a messy home less because they don’t live in spotless perfection? Of course not!

Only the seventh role is the most important – our role as the beloved daughter of God Most High. It’s the umbrella that covers, protects, and sustains the other six. Then we can say, “Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised” (Proverbs 31:29-30).


For more on finding balance and women's roles, please check out Seven Roles, One Woman: You Expect Me to do All That?

Love and Serve God: Learning to pray for our children

I guess I’m a bad mom. I don’t know but it seems that’s what the world would have me believe.

I’ve encountered a few situations lately where people have expressed surprise verging on disapproval with my parenting style. I need to make more of my daughters’ decisions for them. I need to control every aspect of each situation they enter. I need to manipulate outcomes to guarantee my girls’ success. I need to map out every moment of their time and their future so they’ll have an amazingly successful career.

I think this is the problem – when Jimmy and I left the hospital after the birth of our first child, I forgot to pick up my pair of hovering helicopter wings on the way out.

Here’s what did happen in my life around that time, though. In early 1998, I found out I was pregnant with our first child. At that time, I read the Bible and prayed at our kitchen table each morning. From the time of that first positive pregnancy test, my prayer life added a new dimension.

I began to pray for each of my children to love and serve God. That was it. I wanted God to be real in their lives and I wanted help for Jimmy and me to raise them that way. God was real to each of us; the only way we could fail as parents was if we neglected to pass that along to them.

I’ve learned some things about what it means to love and serve God in the past 17 years since that first prayer. If we’re all still around 17 years from now, I’ll have some more things to share because I’m still learning. Also, I think these things apply to all of our relationships – not just how we relate to our children.

To love and serve God

God made you special and He loves you very much

This line actually came from Veggietales, a children’s video series who enjoyed their highest popularity in my daughters’ younger years.

The point for us, however, wasn’t only to teach the girls that God feels this way about them. Even more, we wanted them to learn God feels this way about everyone. Every person has a unique, inherent value because God made them. We don’t classify by race, age, gender, or any of the other categorizations where people like to set one group apart as superior to another group.

Some of the stories I remember that weren’t an issue because of the way my girls’ thought… A fourth grader can play with a third grader even though they aren’t the same age. It’s ok if you’re white but you want to pick out a black baby doll or if you think a black boy is cute. A new kid on the softball team needs help learning how to play – why would someone make fun of them?

We can’t love and serve God – as adults or children – if we don’t recognize this. We put people down because of how much money they have, how hard they work, where they live, how their family behaves, and other nonsense. As long as we do this, we’ll fail to see that God loves and serves each and every human on the planet and calls us to do the same.

Learn to learn

This is my primary goal in choosing to homeschool our daughters but it applies in all aspects of life.

God created an amazing environment for us to live in – it abounds in artistic creation and scientific discovery. It’s full of ideas, truth, art, and logic that all weave together to make the human experience. If our life’s goal is to learn information to pass a test to make a grade to get into a school to get a certain job, then I can almost guarantee we’ll miss out on the beauty of the artistry and the wonder of the science.

At some point we decide we can stop learning; for some, it’s after high school or college graduation. Others wait until they have a graduate or doctoral degree before they stop learning.

Loving and serving God, however, is to realize that we can never stop learning. As children, we can learn to learn so our life may become a pursuit of God’s truth, a discussion of ideas to implement it into the world, an ability to create as He created, and a capacity to research and discover all of it.

Grown up in a grown up body

Children are born with three parts – a body that interacts with its environment, a mind that interacts with other people, and a soul that interacts with God. As parents, we need to raise all three parts to adulthood.

Decent nutrition and shelter will help the physical body grow to adulthood all on its own. The mental functions of the mind aren’t so easy though. The spiritual soul is even more difficult but for now, I’m going to focus on the mind.

We had a 9 year old friend of my daughters over recently. We were going to buy Subway sandwiches for lunch so I asked her what she liked. She didn’t know; she said her mom always orders for her. I asked, “What kinds of meat do you like – ham, turkey, beef, or salami?” She didn’t know what any of the meats were because she’d never had to make a decision for her own sandwich.

Many adults are children in grown up bodies. It’s important for children to make their own decisions. They start young in deciding which clothes to wear or which lunchbox to buy. They learn skills that help them as they grow and their decisions become more complicated… Should I cheat on this test? Should I go out with this guy? Which car should I buy? What classes should I take? Where should I go to college? Should I marry this girl? Should I serve God on the mission field?

This isn’t only about decision making though.

My daughter wanted banana cut up on her Rice Krispies this morning. I’ve been teaching her how to use the knife and cut it herself but she told me she doesn’t like to get her hands slimy from cutting it. My answer was simple, “Yes, but when you’re 35, I’m not going to come over every morning to cut up your banana so your hands don’t get slimy.” She smiled and proceeded to cut her own banana.

We can’t make all their decisions for them; likewise, we can’t do everything for them. We often do because we do it better, faster, or safer. From cutting bananas to balancing their own checking account, they’ll never learn if we don’t allow them to try. Yes, they’ll mess up along the way. Sometimes we learn more from our failures and mistakes than we do our successes!

Part of loving and serving God is to function as responsible members of society. We make decisions and accept the responsibility for the outcome of those decisions as we also seek God’s guidance in the process. We accept our failures as learning opportunities for greater success in the future.

So what’s my point?

I don’t know; goodness knows I don’t have all the answers when it comes to parenting. I guess I’m only wanting to explain my lack of hovering helicopter wings. I want to raise children who recognize the value in all people. I want my children to try and serve those people rather than expect to be served. I want them to learn how to learn about what fascinates them and praise the God who created whatever interests them most. I want them to be responsible adults who can help society rather than drain it. I want them to love and serve God.

Priorities: Figuring out what's real and worth it

Talked to Jimmy on the phone yesterday about some problems – the normal stuff like not enough money, not enough time, why won’t the kids behave, why so much stuff is falling apart. We wrapped up our conversation with our normal “good-bye” and “love you” but this time I also thought, “I’m so thankful he’s not part of the problems.” He’s what holds me up through the problems as he reminds me of important things like trust and faith. Hopefully I do the same for him when problems are firing at him.

I’ve also been acutely thankful for my girls over the last couple days – not for what they’ve done but because of who they are. They’re my daughters, my family. That’s enough to bind me to them forever.

I think that’s why this post by Glenn Beck on Facebook this morning struck something inside me.

What is real and worth it beside family?

You can see from my opening comments how important family is to me. Yes, it’s real and it’s so worth it but it’s not “the most important project of all.”

Here’s the rest of his list… Work, parenting, shopping, finances, outside activities, church work, spouse, friends, and extended family. And oh yeah, still find time to read Scripture and pray.

There it is – tacked on the end just in case we manage to find time – is the most important of all.

We may lose our job. Tragedy may strike our children, spouse, friends, or extended family; they may be gone in a heartbeat. The money may disappear completely. Outside activities and yes, even church work, can crumble away. Are we ready to say in those moments – when these horrors strike our own existence – that God is in control and that is enough?

Personal loss, natural disaster, economic failure, job markets, housing and community, and relationships will all come…and they will go. God doesn’t do that though.

He doesn’t “change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17 NIV).

He is “the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End” (Revelation 21:6).

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

How do I do it?

That’s the next big question, isn’t it? I’m first to admit that sometimes it’s hard.

Those hard times prompt the phone calls to my husband like I talked about at the beginning of this article. Or a friend. But they also prompt me to fall to my knees in prayer. Scripture promises, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken” (Psalm 55:22).

My husband is a great man who can point me to Christ but he can’t solve all my problems. I have some incredibly wonderful friends who have been there for me often over the years. They also can’t sustain me, though. It’s got to be God.

“I called to the Lord in my distress, and I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice and my cry to Him reached His ears. … He reached down from heaven and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. … The Lord was my support.” (Psalm 18:6, 16, 18; Hover here to read Psalm 18 to see the power of God’s deliverance when we cry for help.)

We can’t only cry to God when the problems hit, however. We endure the hard times because we walk in relationship with Him all the time. We read His Word… no, we study it. We know it. We allow it to transform us from the mess we used to be into the person He created us to be.

Seven Roles, One Woman talks about this quite a bit from a woman’s perspective. It’s hard to balance being a wife, mom, businesswoman, friend, servant, homemaker, and oh yeah, a child of God. We try to juggle all of them and keep everyone happy. In the end, though, balance starts to come when we realize that being a child of God isn’t an “oh yeah” that we tag on at the end.

It’s the foundation upon which all the others rest…

• It’s the love needed to be the wife (or husband).
• It’s the grace mandatory to being a mom (or dad).
• It’s the wisdom desired to be a business person.
• It’s the kindness essential to being a friend.
• It’s the compassion required to be a servant.
• It’s the sacrifice important to being a homemaker.

Being a child of God is the power to make it happen because “He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

And if Glenn happens to read this - or anyone else trying to figure it out with very real scars in their own life - please know I didn't ignore that part of the original Facebook post. That's some hard stuff as well and maybe something to save for another time.

Look to the Future: Praying for the work to be done

Jimmy and his team are home; Africa 2014 is over. But that doesn’t mean the work is finished.

Despite the delays in luggage and the resulting shortage of tools, they installed the solar panel system in the home of a doctor and his family. One thing North Africa has in abundance in sunshine; a solar panel electrical system makes a huge difference for those serving in this region! We received this note yesterday from Doc, “Every day we think of you guys and cherish our fridge and freezer and power…I have not turned on the generator since you left!! Amen!!! Now the battery to the generator is dead…need to charge it. It’s a great problem to have. The system is running beautifully!”

You may recall that Jimmy flew to visit missionaries serving in a different location after they finished installing the solar panels. Grow Barefoot worked with this family two years ago to provide them with solar power as well. He flew in to find the village surrounded by floodwaters; they are a community entering a time of disease, food shortages, and inaccessible medical care. I don’t have any miraculous updates for you on this issue but we continue to trust the One who is the worker of miracles. Please join us in praying for this village as they recover from this debilitating natural disaster. Their national government told them they would not provide any assistance. Floods may have cut off all roads to the outside world, but the road to Almighty God – paved in the prayers of His people – is never cut off.

We didn’t know until Jimmy began his journey home that his friend there, Kap, is also suffering from severe malaria. Despite the lack of available medical care, he continues to improve quickly. Again, God answers prayers.

Which is why I appeal to you today

God does answer prayers. So, I’m asking you to pray for Grow Barefoot as we consider how to work in this region in the future. Some projects we are considering include –

• Doc would love to have a medical team come in to do a clinic. The surrounding villages and tribes need so much in basic medical care and education.
• Doc would also like to begin a milk clinic for babies whose mothers are unable to nurse or are just not available, perhaps due to death. GB has worked with a milk clinic in Haiti; perhaps we can combine knowledge gained in Haiti to help begin a program on the other side of the world.
• Kap is already working on digging three or four wells in outlaying tribal areas so the people may have access to water. This is an immediate need.
• Kap would also like to start a training center in his area. They would teach English, water cleanliness, and job skills for people to develop a trade, earn a living, and create jobs in the community. This is a great method to build relationships with the people, which in turn leads to great discussions and opportunities to share the message of Christ.
• Kap and Chica would also like for me to come and lead a conference based on “Seven Roles, One Woman” for the local women in their area. The Muslim population accepts the book of Proverbs so this study based on Proverbs 31 may be a great way to build relationships, help women understand their value in God’s eyes, and share Christ with them as well.

Please pray for our continued ministry in these areas as we desire to follow where God leads.

I Do Believe; Help Me!

A friend of mine, Sheri Kaetzel, recently returned from her first mission trip to Africa. In case you’re wondering, this wasn’t a Grow Barefoot trip. Not that it matters because, after all, we’re all working for the kingdom of God. We’re all trying to fulfill the same great commission. We’re all trying to spread a message of hope and light to a dark world. But I just wanted you to know.

I loved reading her trip stories at her blog, The Leaking Window. This particular one, however, I knew I had to pass along so I asked her to share here on Grow Barefoot. I wanted to share it because she reveals her fears, sense of inadequacy, and lack of belief in undertaking a short term trip to a difficult region. But she went anyway. She stepped out in faith, trusted God, prayed for help, and in so doing, accomplished what God asked of her.

That’s what He asks of each of us – a little faith and trust, some prayer, and some action. Even if we never leave American soil, He calls each of us to serve Him somewhere…with someone…in some way…everyday.

So, thank you, Sheri, for being faithful. And thank you for sharing your story with us!

For this thinker-type personality my thoughts are hard to formulate about our recent trip to Africa. There are so many words and thoughts, but making them land on my keyboard seems a bit difficult. But I will force them out because if I don't I fear they might be lost. And that would be tragic.

At the beginning of the trip Pastor Ray Noah tackled the questions that were plaguing almost all of us throughout the trip: Lord, why am I here? What do I have to offer? He admitted he still wondered himself. But he felt God had given him a word to embrace: BELIEVE.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Mark 9:24

• BELIEVE... you are here in God's will. No matter how you got here.
• BELIEVE... you are here for a divine purpose.
• BELIEVE... you are walking in God's provision.
• BELIEVE... God will use you to bless those you come in contact with.
• BELIEVE... God will use those you come in contact with to bless you.
• BELIEVE... this trip will change your life-trajectory.

And know that whatever lies before us we should... 

• BELIEVE that God has already gone before us.

It makes me think of Beth Moore's study Believing God when she shares, "As forcefully as God has ever spoken to my heart, He said, 'you believe in Me, Beth. Now I want you to believe Me.’”

Believe Me.

And that's what I had to do. Believe God. Believe He would use this suburban house-wife and mother for a divine purpose in Africa…

…whose only assignment was to teach widows how to knit a hat.

…who felt insignificant for the mission. 

…but believing that He would use this willing vessel.

And now that I have returned home I wonder what God would have me do with all He has shown me. And I guess I need to believe that He can use me as much at home as He did there. And that I will pass that message on to those who are willing to hear it.

And that I will encourage those I come in contact with to...

Believe God.

Seven Roles, One Woman: You Expect Me To Do All That?

Groups around the world have completed the "Seven Roles, One Woman" study. Lives are being changed - marriages, child relationships, friendships, and business situations are being impacted. In short, we are helping women find virtue and value in a crazy, critical world.

Grow Barefoot recently collaborated with Ringshouse Productions on a video for "Seven Roles, One Woman" study - we're thrilled with the result!

To view this study on Amazon or for purchasing information, click here: 

Seven Roles, One Woman - Paperback 

Seven Roles, One Woman - Kindle Edition

Life Happens

In the end, what is it going to matter?

At this moment...

• Unsold garage sale items in my living room debate amongst themselves - who will go to the thrift store and who is destined for the trash bag?
• Stacks of folded clothes compete in my laundry room to see who can grow the tallest without tipping over.
• My school room is a jigsaw puzzle waiting for me to put it back together before a new school year starts in the fall.
• Books and papers on my desk rearrange themselves during the night so they are never in the same place where I thought I left them.

In short, my house is a mess. My house is almost always in some level of disarray. While cleaning my bathroom one day, I thought, "My house may be a mess but that doesn't mean I'm a messy person." On my own, I finish a job once I start it. I have a place for everything and everything in its place. I organize and alphabetize so I know where items are.

However, life happens. Softball games. Car wrecks. Phone calls. Doctor's appointments. Bumped heads and bruised knees. Meetings. Broken down trucks. And it's only Wednesday.

These other factors keep me from being the neat, orderly person I would be on my own. I don't get to maintain my home in the way I would like because outside influences creep in and disrupt my schedule. Sometimes I think my life would be so much easier if I didn't write Bible studies and blog articles, didn't homeschool my daughters, didn't teach classes, didn't actively pursue relationships, and didn't do most of the things I do. Then, I would have cleaned my garage sale mess, put my laundry, and organized my rooms.

I choose to view those outside influences a different way, however. My daughters were playing in those softball games, required the doctor's appointments, and needed care for bumps and bruises. My husband, our daughter, and her friend were inside that car that was in the wreck. My friend was at the other end of that phone call and she was hurt and angry. Missionaries rely on those meetings for their support. My husband and daughter were driving in that truck that broke down, leaving them stranded in 95* heat.

When we invest in the lives of others, our lives are going to be messy. But, opportunities to help others are why we are here. This life isn't about us - it's about how we can make a difference in the life of someone else.

This is the example Jesus set for us. His time on earth wasn't about Him; it was about us. He could have stayed in His home. I'm sure heaven was not only clean, comfortable, and organized; it was also extravagant, glorious, and perfect. He could have stayed there and left us to fend for ourselves in our spiritual battle for salvation. A battle we could not have won on our own, by the way.

But. He. Didn't.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:3-8).

Always Be Ready to Quit

Grow Barefoot is happy to welcome guest blogger Jennifer Slattery.  It's interesting to read her article and see God teaching her some of the same stuff He's been teaching me the past couple of months.  "Let go of the stress and trust Me..."

Sometimes I think my laundry basket has the whole Elijah thing going on—like with the widow who never ran out of flour. Most days my home runs like a fast-paced assembly line. Wake up, make the bed, clean the kitchen, answer the phone, take my daughter to school, fold laundry, mop the floor, pick my daughter up from school, go to bed, wake up, make the bed… It’s like a never-ending cycle that drags me from one task to the next like a wayward waif clinging to a steadily moving conveyer belt. And each day before I pull myself out of bed, I make a promise—to myself and to God. Today I will find time to pray.

But then the day begins, and laundry must be folded, lunches must be made, and dishes must be washed.

But what would happen if I quit…for a day? What if I put my to-do list aside, turned off my cell phone, unplugged my land line, and shut down my computer? What if I set everything aside to rest and be refreshed by God’s presence? Perhaps my house would not be as tidy as I would like, and maybe left-overs would grace our table more frequently, but along with the dirty dishes and micro-waved meals, my family would get a much happier, calmer me. And I suspect, if I were to ask them which they preferred--an immaculate home and crabby mommy or a little bit of clutter with much joy--I am sure they would choose the latter.

Jennifer Slattery lives in the Midwest with her husband of sixteen years and their fourteen year old daughter. She writes for Christ to the World Ministries, The Christian Pulse, the Internet Café Devotions, Jewels of Encouragement, and co-hosts (with five other authors) a Facebook faith community called Living by Grace. Find out more about her and her writing at http://jenniferslatterylivesoutloud.com/.

Husbands and Wives: Loving as Jesus loves the church

I am pleased to introduce the first guest blogger on Grow Barefoot! The last seven articles have been about my recent mission trip to Haiti. Well, it turns out God was busy on the homefront as well. My husband, Jimmy, wrote the following post and asked me to share it with you...

My wife left on January 2 for a mission trip to Haiti Home of Hope, a mission orphanage we support through our church. Throughout the months leading up to the trip we discussed whether or not she should go. She wanted to, but she also wanted my blessing. As with most things of this magnitude, I went to the Lord in prayer for direction, comfort, and affirmation this was something we should do. The answer came with ease and comfort. I went to Kathi to tell her it would be great for her to go. As the trip neared and plans were made, it became more and more evident that this was God’s plan and that she was to go.

As a “husband we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). I don’t know about you, but that kind of sacrificial love is really hard for me. In this particular example, to love my wife was to let her go on this trip. Better yet, I have learned something in her absence. It wasn’t that she is an amazing wife and mother; I knew that already. It wasn’t that I had to take care of the house and our four girls with the help of my parents and Kathi’s dad.

It is this: LOVE. I learned more about Christ’s love for us and its impact on our relationship. Our bond is strong because of God and our commitment to Him and each other.

I was not able to talk to her for the seven days she was out of the country. As a husband, the first five days were gut-wrenching. I missed my wife. I constantly thought of her, wondered how she was doing, and longed to hear her voice. Looking back, I think maybe I was able to feel a little of how Christ must feel when we don’t communicate or talk to Him. We must, as husbands and as Christians, talk to Jesus Christ. We must communicate with the Lord to allow our household to function properly.

When I was able to finally talk to Kathi, I cried at the sound of her voice on the other end of the phone. The communication line was back open. As husbands we must communicate with our wives, just as we must communicate with Christ. We are to imitate Christ in our relationship with our wife. If we do that to the best of our ability we can transform ourselves and we can transform our marriage. Love.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,
his body, of which he is the Savior…
Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:23, 25

A Woman of Valor

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” 

Proverbs 31:10

One single word in this verse has transformed my image of who we are, not only as wives, but as women. 

Noble – Capable – Intelligent – Virtuous –

Good – Excellent – Worthy

Any of us would take it as a compliment if someone used these adjectives to describe us. Yet none of them fully capture the meaning of the Hebrew word. The word translated here as noble, virtuous, and excellent is chayil (khah-yil). Even today, people of the Jewish faith refer to this passage as “Eshet Chayil” or “A Woman of Valor.” A woman of valor, perhaps the most accurate, has become my favorite translation of this familiar passage.

A Woman of Valor

Old Testament authors used chayil most often in the context of war or battle. Traditionally, a man's role is to fight for and defend his country or his homeland. The Old Testament is full of accounts of the Israelite men leaving their homes to go to battle. Over and over it describes them as chayil. In the same way, a Chayil Woman fights for and defends her home. She protects it from invading negative influences and organizes those under her so that it runs smoothly and calmly. A Chayil Woman is strong, mighty, and efficient. She is valiant and virtuous. But, and this is a very important point, she is all of these things alongside her husband, not in opposition to him. 

Scripture contains a beautiful story of a Chayil Woman. Of the four times the Old Testament describes women with this word, only once does it refer to a specific woman. Her name is Ruth. 

A complete look at Ruth’s story shows her to be a woman of wisdom. The application of wisdom in daily life is a trademark of a Chayil Woman; we look at it in further detail in “Seven Roles, One Woman.” Wise choices made Ruth’s life prosperous.

Worth more than Rubies

“Wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her” (Proverbs 8:11).

Does that amaze anyone else like it does me? We looked at Ruth and realized the impact wise choices made on her life. The very next thing we see is that a Chayil Woman is worth more than rubies, just like wisdom!

What is the significance of comparing a Chayil Woman to rubies? In our society, we think of diamonds as the most valuable gemstone. But, our society doesn’t recognize the value of a ruby – just like it doesn’t recognize the value of wisdom or the value of a good wife. According to a jeweler friend of mine, a ruby of gemstone quality can be worth more than a diamond of the same size. It is definitely rarer.

Wisdom and a Chayil Woman are both…

• Of inestimable value
• Extremely rare
• A source of life
• Good
• A blessing from the Lord

Like a flawless ruby, do you view yourself as being of inestimable value? If you don’t view yourself that way, will you begin to ask God to reveal the jewel He created you to be?

A Husband’s Response

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value” (Proverbs 31:11). 

We find balance when the wife is a Chayil Woman and the husband recognizes and respects that in her. Then, a marriage can be built that is beautiful and worthy of being compared to the future marriage relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. 

This article is based on one of the lessons in my Bible study book “Seven Roles, One Woman: You Expect Me to Do All That?” Learn more at Amazon.com. 

I Got It All Done! Well, Almost...

You may have noticed I am late on posting. I try to write one article a week but it has been nearly two weeks since I wrote anything. Although a thought nagged in my head all week, “You need to sit down and write…you need to sit down and write…,” I dismissed it because I was accomplishing so much in other areas of my life. My house was fairly clean for those two weeks. Over fifty wrinkly articles of clothing had taken up residence in my laundry room so I caught up on ironing. I spent time with friends. I was the proverbial soccer mom although the soccer ball was replaced by volleyballs, softballs, and piano keys. I even did craft projects with my kids.

I was quite productive. Plan-plan-plan. Check off the list. Push-push-push. Activity done. Scramble-scramble-scramble. Deadline met. In the midst of all of the activity, however, I spent no time writing. For me, that means I spent no time one-on-one with God. This morning, as I rushed around gathering items for a women’s event at our church, I began to look back on my chaotic week.

My house is already a mess again.

The ironed clothing will be worn within the next few days and be wrinkly once again.

The activities will be forgotten.

Although some of the tasks mandated by our roles as wives, mothers, businesswomen, and homemakers are necessary, only one thing matters for eternity.

I am reminded once again that only when I make my relationship with God my highest priority will I be able to succeed and delight in all of the other roles in my life.

Eat, Pray, and Love the Truth of God's Word

Last night I watched the movie “Eat, Pray, Love” starring Julia Roberts. This post isn't a movie review; it's my thoughts on some of the life lessons taught by the movie.

After a divorce, Liz (played by Julia Roberts) travels for a year to Italy, India, and Bali. In Italy she learns to eat, India teaches her how to pray, and Bali helps her love. Beyond that, she makes a spiritual discovery in each country that had eluded her in her hectic New York home and life.

I have seen several movies lately with a similar theme of discontentment with the job, the home, the spouse, and the life. Hollywood is telling us you can’t have those things and still feel the depth, passion, and energy of life. I disagree.

It all depends on where you look for the source of your passion and energy. I say with the confidence of experience that a journey into the truth of God’s Word will teach you how to relax and enjoy life, savor each moment, and value what is most important. It will bring inner peace and contentment. It will define and birth a depth of love into your life that you’ve never dreamed possible. 

It doesn’t require a divorce, a passport, thousands of dollars, and ten pounds gained by eating too much pasta. All it requires is faith, a Bible, and time.

What's Missing: Remembering to Love at Christmas

It seems to be the week to focus on love. Therefore, I had to share this poem I came across on the blog of a friend. Like the Chayil Woman in my new book Seven Roles, One Woman: You Expect Me to do All That?, it doesn't matter what we do or how well we do it if God is missing from our life.

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family, I’m just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals, and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime,
but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity,
but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties, and sing in the choir’s cantata,
but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside decorating to kiss the husband.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust.

But giving the gift of love will endure.

– Author Unknown

God's Timing or Satan's Attack?

I was supposed to receive the first published copy of Seven Roles, One Woman in late September. The week came and went without a word from the publisher. I eventually received word they had a problem registering the ISBN number so printing would be delayed. A week passed. Then two. My contact at the publisher told me I should have already received it; she would check on the problem. Another week passed. Halfway through the following week I contacted the publisher again. I discovered my contact was no longer with the company and, although the printer had received the order, no one in their company had followed through on it. They promised to put a rush on the printing and shipping.

Why am I sharing this with you? During the first part of that series of delays I kept thinking, “This is God’s timing” or “I will receive the book when it is the right time. God has a plan in all of this.” About halfway through the month of September, though, I began to wonder if all the delays were an attack by Satan to stifle the spread of God’s Word and discourage me in my ministry. I increased my prayers for the situation, all the while unsure as to what was going on in the spiritual realm as problems persisted in the physical realm.

Last Wednesday I was supposed to begin teaching the study to a class at my church. As the time neared to begin, I knew it wasn’t going to be available on time. I had to make a different plan. I decided to teach on one Psalm per week until the study was ready. I knew I wouldn’t run out of Psalms before the book was published and I also knew I could stop any time when it did become available. I chose Psalm 23 for the first week and proceeded to prepare my lesson.

Psalm 23 is perhaps the most well-known passage of Scripture in the Bible. The only passage that might compete with it for popularity is the famous John 3:16. Despite its overwhelming familiarity, I learned so much preparing that lesson. Someday I’ll share those things here, but for now, that’s not the purpose of this article.

I went to church that night to teach. I like to get there early to set up the classroom and make a pot of coffee. While doing those things, my husband showed up at the church building with a video camera in one hand and a package in the other hand. He had found the study on the front porch. Unknown to us, the UPS guy had delivered it earlier in the day.

I still don’t know if it was God’s timing or Satan’s attack that led to the delays in finishing the book. However, I did learn something that night. If it was God’s timing, then it was a good thing. If it was Satan’s attack, then his plan backfired. Either way, my class had a wonderful time gaining some new and fresh insight into the beautiful 23rd Psalm. I believe God wants us to take every opportunity to trust Him and serve Him, even if things aren’t working out right. Even if Satan is trying to block us at every turn.