Husbands and Wives: Loving as Jesus loves the church

I am pleased to introduce the first guest blogger on Grow Barefoot! The last seven articles have been about my recent mission trip to Haiti. Well, it turns out God was busy on the homefront as well. My husband, Jimmy, wrote the following post and asked me to share it with you...

My wife left on January 2 for a mission trip to Haiti Home of Hope, a mission orphanage we support through our church. Throughout the months leading up to the trip we discussed whether or not she should go. She wanted to, but she also wanted my blessing. As with most things of this magnitude, I went to the Lord in prayer for direction, comfort, and affirmation this was something we should do. The answer came with ease and comfort. I went to Kathi to tell her it would be great for her to go. As the trip neared and plans were made, it became more and more evident that this was God’s plan and that she was to go.

As a “husband we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). I don’t know about you, but that kind of sacrificial love is really hard for me. In this particular example, to love my wife was to let her go on this trip. Better yet, I have learned something in her absence. It wasn’t that she is an amazing wife and mother; I knew that already. It wasn’t that I had to take care of the house and our four girls with the help of my parents and Kathi’s dad.

It is this: LOVE. I learned more about Christ’s love for us and its impact on our relationship. Our bond is strong because of God and our commitment to Him and each other.

I was not able to talk to her for the seven days she was out of the country. As a husband, the first five days were gut-wrenching. I missed my wife. I constantly thought of her, wondered how she was doing, and longed to hear her voice. Looking back, I think maybe I was able to feel a little of how Christ must feel when we don’t communicate or talk to Him. We must, as husbands and as Christians, talk to Jesus Christ. We must communicate with the Lord to allow our household to function properly.

When I was able to finally talk to Kathi, I cried at the sound of her voice on the other end of the phone. The communication line was back open. As husbands we must communicate with our wives, just as we must communicate with Christ. We are to imitate Christ in our relationship with our wife. If we do that to the best of our ability we can transform ourselves and we can transform our marriage. Love.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,
his body, of which he is the Savior…
Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:23, 25

Get the Work Done

Although I’m home from Haiti now, I'm still thinking about my trip. I’ve known Jennifer, or Mommy as she’s called at the orphanage, for years but this was my first time to visit her in Haiti. I’ve heard her stories and imagined her conditions for years, all the while trying to fathom how she is able to accomplish all that she does. In recent conversations and especially while observing her on the trip, I figured it out. In the answer are some lessons for us all.

Do What You Can, Let Go of the Rest

Although I’ve never examined a room she has painted, Jennifer says she's not at all good at the job. So, instead of going ahead and painting rooms when they need it, she has mission teams, like ours, do that job. She understands teaching is not one of her gifts but also knows their children need to be home-schooled rather than attend the local Haitian school. Therefore, she passed that job over to a volunteer intern. On the other hand, she is able to supervise the ins-and-outs of the orphanage in a way few could. Consistent with her gifting, that is how she focuses much of her time and energy. In short, she recognizes her abilities and inabilities; she focuses her time and energy on what she is able to do. “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 4:10-11).

Accept Help, Offer Help

Other jobs fall into a slightly different category. Jennifer is quite able to prepare meals for the orphans and her family. However, she also recognizes it is too large of a task for one person to do by herself, especially in a country lacking prepackaged foods and take-out restaurants. That's why she has staff cook for the orphans each day and cook for the family two meals a day, five days per week. She knows how to do the laundry for all 37 orphans, plus her family, but knows it is too big of a job for one person. So, again, she has staff do the laundry for the orphans and either she or the staff does the laundry for the family. It's easy to become self-sufficient and even prideful that we can do everything ourselves. This isn't how God intends it to be, though. He desires for us to work together and help one another because life is hard in this corrupted world. Although this verse was written of Phoebe, a first-century helper in the church, I think it fits here as well. “I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been a great help to many people, including me.” (Romans 16:2)

Living free and pursuing holiness will be much easier for all of us if we let go of the things which God has not called us to do and only do the things to which He has called us. I guarantee you He won’t give you more to do than you can handle.

Clean Off the Dirt: Taking our filth into the glory of heaven

On Sunday of my time here in Haiti, a few of us visited the home of one of the families who come to the milk clinic at the orphanage. Amy is a newborn whose mother died in childbirth. Her aunt and grandfather have been walking eight miles to bring her to the milk clinic to receive clothing and infant formula. The precious baby weighs less than five pounds.

Due to the poor conditions of the roads it took us close to an hour to travel the eight miles by truck.  After asking around, we found Amy's hut and were glad to find her family home.  A brief exam found her in good condition, relatively speaking, and then I had the privilege of rocking her while the pastor who came with us visited with the grandfather and aunt.

My French is too poor to understand much of their Creole dialect so I'm afraid I can't retell the conversation that transpired between the two. After several minutes of conversation, though, Pastor turned to us and said, in English, that they wanted to accept Christ as their Savior. They bowed down to pray and I could make out enough of what was said to know they recognized the sin in their lives and accepted the gift of Jesus' death on the cross as the payment for their sin, thereby enabling their eternal life in heaven with Him.

As they prayed, I silently prayed for their newfound faith, spiritual protection, and growth. Here is where my story turns ugly, though. 

As I stood in the filth of their hut, holding a sweet infant who smelled of her own waste, I found myself praying, "Lord, what a blessing it would be for You to return soon and lift this family out of these desperate, dirty conditions." Here is my confession: At this point in my prayer, my thoughts shifted. In that squalor, my bizarre mind wondered if God will hose us all off as we leave earth and enter His heavenly presence. Please don't leave me nasty comments, I can't help it these weird thoughts pop into my mind.

As soon as the thought entered my head, the Spirit reminded me that in God's eyes, all of us are more dirty and filthy than the aunt and grandfather were in my eyes. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6). In our sinful state, we are so nasty, so dirty, that Holy God has to turn His back to us. In His glory and perfection, we can't even be in His presence.

The wonder of it all is that God couldn't stand for us not to be in His presence. His sacrifice on the cross made the way for us to be made clean, and, in a way, He will hose us off when we stand before Him someday - it will just be a little more spiritual.

"'Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.' Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints" (Revelation 19:7-8).

Led by a Child

"The wolf will live with the Lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them" (Isaiah 11:6).

This morning in Haiti we attended a Haitian church. Everyone got dressed in their Sunday best and waited to make the half-mile walk to the church. Mommy's foot was injured so her and Poppy rode the four-wheeler to church. Poppy told us we could go ahead and leave, they would drive separately.

Uh, excuse me? You want us to take off - walking through the streets of a third world village, having no idea where we are going or how to get there?

OK, that's not what I said. 

Instead I suppressed my panic and asked Poppy how to get to church. His answer, "Oh, it's OK. Just walk with the kids. They can take you." That's how I came to find myself holding the hand of a preschooler, walking the streets of a third world town, being led by a group of young children.

Before the day was over, we had attended two different church services - a large congregation in town led by Pastor Francoise and a small congregation on the edge of town led by Pastor Clebert. In my lifetime, I've now attended services in German, Hebrew, and Creole. Each time, I could only understand very few words. Each time, though, I sensed the presence of God's Spirit. In every one, I've rejoiced that people around the world are worshiping God with a common Spirit even if we don't share common language.

"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count from every nation, tribe, people, and language standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb" (Revelation 7:9).

Divine Inconvenience

We arrived in Haiti around 9:00am this past Tuesday; none of our group's checked luggage, however, did. After some searching on the computer, a lady at the airport told us all of our bags should be on the next flight, arriving around 12:00. OK, well, it's not the best situation, but we settled in, sitting on the baggage claim for a long wait. 

Our wait caused us to miss our mission flight into the mountains.

Meanwhile, Mommy was waiting at the grass airstrip in Pignon to pick us up. Since we didn't make our 1:00 mission flight, our spots on the plane were given to a different group, and we took their spots on a later flight. While Mommy was waiting for us, she struck up a conversation with another lady who was waiting to pick up the group who flew on our originally scheduled flight. That group was a medical group from the Baltimore/Washington D.C. area; it included a pediatric physical therapist, pediatrician, and a psychiatrist. Interestingly enough, that was the perfect combination to help with some of the special needs children here at the orphanage.

The medical group came by the orphanage today and helped several of the kids. I was able to help the physical therapist with Mikey's wheelchair. Mikey has hydrocephalus and although he is five years old, has the body of a one year old. She made several adjustments to his chair which should increase his comfort and mobility.

None of the medical blessings today would have happened if our luggage had been on time and we were on our correct flight from Port-au-Prince to Pignon. None of our group complained about the problems with the luggage but we easily could have. How humbling to see today how our inconvenience, our difficulty, enabled such a blessing for others.

Blessing: Experiencing God's riches in the poorest of countries

I'm convinced God doesn't want to just meet our needs, just barely get by. He wants to bless us from the depths of His infinite riches. Yet another odd lesson to ponder in one of the poorest countries on earth.

I spent the last two days decorating the bedroom of the missionary couple we are helping here in Haiti. Mommy and Poppy have spent the last several years pouring their lives into the kids; today we had the blessing of being able to do something for Mommy and Poppy. We painted, cleaned, designed, and decorated, all the while banning Mommy from entering her own bedroom. 

Eventually the moment came for the big reveal. Although no one yelled, "Move that bus!" we still wiped away tears as blessings flowed, not only for Mommy and Poppy, but also for my group and me.

Decorating a room may seem like an odd task for a mission trip. I don't know, maybe it is. I do know that this is the project God wanted us to do. Through direction and provision, His holy fingerprints were all over this project from its inception. So, although it may be odd, seeing God's love for this couple who have given their lives to care for the "least of these" and being chosen as an instrument to convey that blessing has melted my heart each time I think about it.

"Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38)

Thank You Too Much

"One of them when he saw he was healed came back, praising God in a loud voice. ,

He threw himself at Jesus feet and thanked him."

(Luke 17:15-16)

The power of a grateful heart has pressed into me several times today.

I spent the morning helping at the milk clinic here at the orphanage. The milk clinic is a ministry to those in the area that are unable to provide milk or formula for children in their care. Perhaps the child's mother passed away or they are simply unable to feed the baby due to sickness or poverty; despite the reason, parents and caregivers can come to the clinic for help. Offered every other week, the clinic weighs the child, offers a brief medical assessment, provides clean clothing as needed, milk or formula for the child, and sometimes food for the family. Late morning, we wrapped up our time in the clinic and started to head back to the main house. A young woman with a small boy stopped us. The clinic had cared for the boy as a baby, probably saving him from becoming another statistic of infant death in a third world country. As they explained their story, we realized they weren't there for food or free clothing. They had come back to simply say thank you.

After a yummy lunch for which I was thankful, we hosted the Christmas party for the children. True thankfulness and generosity glowed in the eyes of many of the children as they opened their shoeboxes. After the presents were stowed away under their bunks, the party ended with a special treat of popcorn and chocolate cake. As three of the girls sat eating, they kept telling Poppy, their affectionate name for the husband half of the couple who runs the orphanage, "Thank you too much!"

A third story of the day, a third story of thankfulness. Between the clinic and the party, Jennifer, or Mommy, had the blessing of cutting a little girl's hair. This may seem like more of a chore than a blessing but this particular haircut removed a certain type of dreadlocks which symbolized her family's involvement in voodoo. Her parents accepted Christ several months ago and, after months of spiritual growth and teaching, were ready to have the dreads removed. The message of God's salvation and the possibility of transformation is the greatest reason for our thankfulness.

We easily develop an attitude of expectation rather than gratitude in a life of ease and abundance. When we experience need at the life-or-death level, gratitude flows much more easily. Especially when the life or death is spiritual.

Heart Vision in Haiti

My expectation of the sights of Port-au-Prince and Haiti in general seemed inconsequential compared to the stories experienced travelers kept telling me before my arrival. I've stepped over bodies in the streets of Hell's Kitchen, New York. I've stood in the gas chambers of Dachau concentration camp. I've cleaned out hovels of the homeless that defy understanding. So as I heard tell of the conditions in Haiti, I kept thinking, "Yeah, I get it. Trust me, I know most of the world doesn't live like we do." At the same time, even I was curious as to my indifference.

Over the last several weeks a seemingly unrelated verse has floated around in my thoughts. "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" (Mark 8:36).

As we flew into Port-au-Prince this morning the sights over the city looked much as I expected. And you might think I'm crazy, but it looked beautiful. I don't know why but the city held a certain beauty. And it was in that moment, flying into the poverty and desperation, that all my confusing thoughts became clear. The slums of Port-au-Prince are no more awful than the subdivisions of home or any other place. Every place is the home of the poor and destitute. Oh, we in America may have beautiful homes, cars, and clothing, but we are as spiritually poor and destitute as any Haitian. And in the end, that is what matters.

It doesn't matter how much we gain if we don't gain eternal salvation along the way. And to go one step further, if you'll permit me to rephrase Mark 8:36, it doesn't matter how much we give if we aren't giving the message of eternal salvation. All the humanitarian aid in the world means little if the recipient still loses his own soul.